Star-News (Pasadena, CA)

May 8, 2003
Section: MOTHER'S DAY

They sit around a weathered oak dining table, a familiar sight in most households. But this one, in the back kitchen of the Quaker meeting hall on Orange Grove Avenue in Pasadena, seems an unlikely spot for a counseling session.

Not so for the women at the Mothers' Club Community Center in Pasadena, where local moms can go for a variety of assistance programs, free of charge, each week day. Every morning any number of the women from 40 families enrolled in the program gather around the table to discuss problems and issues in their lives with one another.

Perhaps more than in a garden variety therapy group, the voices of their peers -- other mothers -- represent an important step for an isolated mom. For some, it's a sounding board, a way of finding advice and validation. For others, it's a doorway to other programs and services that Mothers' Club offers, including family therapy sessions, English classes, and parent education classes.

But Mothers' Club isn't just about mothers. The other part of their program includes an active, learning-oriented day care for infants to pre-school children. At the center, you can find children painting, observing caterpillars and playing with colored blocks in the many age-designated areas, while inside, mothers are involved with their various groups. "We really try to get parents to reach the maximum potential of their parenting ability through all the classes that we provide," said Silvana Casalegno, parent program director at Mothers' Club.

Tucked into the landscape and a bit difficult to identify at first from the street, the low, grey-green colored buildings of the club on Orange Grove Boulevard is adjacent to the old Quaker gathering house for good reason. More than 40 years ago, it was the idea of one Quaker woman, Mara Moser, to provide a regular meeting time and place for mothers who had husbands in prison. Through the years, the program has evolved to include women in any number of disadvantaged situations who needs help, advice, and comfort. Most of all, it's to push back the walls of isolation that some mothers feel.

Why should mother stay connected? "We need it!" said club member Maria Vargas of Pasadena. "I need to improve my life, to learn English. I want to be in the school, and to help my kids with their homework, so (someday) they can get better jobs." Vargas has three boys, ages 4, 2 and 9 months. Originally from Mexico City, Vargas came to the United States about 15 years ago. After attending high school, she went on to college, but left to get married. Having children further postponed her education. Now as a mother, she still wanted to be challenged. "I started to look for a place that would give me the opportunity to study more," said Vargas. "I didn't want to just stay at home, wasting time. I want to be educated." She found information about Mothers' Club in a parenting class offered at Pasadena City College. "I'm very grateful for Mothers' Club because they gave me the opportunity to study English, and they have computer lessons," Vargas said. "We also talking about Pasadena history, and that's good for me. It's very important because I have three little boys."

Vargas also believes reading is important. She reads to all her children, even the nine-month old. And, "when I read to the kids, I like to interpret the literature, make sounds and such. I don't want to just read, I want them to understand," said Vargas, who wants her kids to have fun with a book, a concept she felt she didn't grow up with, but learned. "I learned that from the center," said Vargas.

In addition to skills, program director Casalegno said progress is measured "daily -- by the attitude that the mother displays throughout the program." A lot of parents can hardly make eye contact when they first arrive, feeling threatened or scared, but after a couple of months, they start to open up. "You see them saying hello and putting on a smile. The children start hugging me," said Casalegno. "As you get to know them and they start developing and seeing that they are a mother and also a woman -- and we're recognizing that potential -- then they start feeling really good. And all of a sudden they start talking about goals."

The center highly encourages active roles at the schools, to volunteer to help with various situations and take leadership roles. Interestingly, many of the women get their first experience in responsibility and outreach at the center itself. In fact, the center is self-sufficient because the women trade off job duties, like meal preparation and cleaning. Once a week, each woman is required to help out with day care. "Basically we are giving them some tools to be facing the challenges of what their kids need," Casalegno said. "We do a lot of teaching skills, like being on committees, and taking leadership roles."

The club also works with the Pasadena Unified School District to ready the kids for school as well as connecting with other communities organizations. "We're the liaison on that tells parents it's not enough just to send your children to school," Casalegno said. "You need to be an active member of that school in order to make an impact on your child's life. And that's part of what we teach here."

"I reap the benefits of their work," said Sandra Macis, principal of Madison Elementary in Pasadena, about the Mothers' Club. "What comes to me are children ready to learn, and with fabulous skills. They can sit down for a longer time, they're focused. And of course their parents are right behind them, wasting no time in showing their support."

Macis said she would like to do a study on the school success of kids from Mothers' Club. "I'm sure that I could track the kids that are proudly on my top 10 percent list," she said. "And those kids started in Mother's Club. "The most important thing is they bring in the mom," said Macis. "There's a Spanish saying, "if you educate the mother, you educate a generation.' And it's so true. The woman is the heart, the center, of civilization."

These kinds of comments are, in part, due to the organization's long-term committments to mothers. Despite a long waiting list to get into the program, once enrolled, they can stay until their children are old enough to go to school. "These are ladies, that, many of them, even if they're in a family of 20, they feel alone," said Casalegno. "Here, at the center, we ask 'how are you,' 'how do you feel,' and 'what can we do to help you,'? Then we go onto other things, like a referral or whatever else they need."

The club emphasizes to each mother, "you are important, and you are the first teacher in a child's life, and what are you going to model for your child?" said Casalegno. "So, what do you need?"

(c) 2003 Star-News. All rights reserved. Reproduced with the permission of Media NewsGroup, Inc. by NewsBank, Inc.